No Regrets
by LazyIceWater
Summary: Kartik is gone, Gemma is lonely and in dire need of an outlet. The one she has choosen isn't the best choice, so she trys something new. She writes him a song. R


A/N- I needed to write this to try to end my personal feelings for the end of the book

**A/N- I needed to write this to try to end my personal feelings for the end of the book. Some kind of closure you could say. P.s. this is the final time I'm going to rewrite this story. Haha.**

They are mocking me. They are all mocking me.

I can hear the paper taunting me saying, "_You shall never lift the burden off your chest_."

The quill taunting me saying, "_I shall never let the words you want so dearly to say flow out of my tip."_

In addition, that glass on the counter. I hear it laughing telling me, "_Come on. Give me another go. Forget everything, and drink me. I'm worth it."_ Yet, it cackles in a taunting way.

Then, there is _him_. I cannot seem to forget him, so I try to write my feelings on paper. However, I cannot... I just cannot. He is everywhere, and there is nowhere I can escape him. He not only appears on the outside world, he appears on my inside. I feel him chip at my heart every time he crosses my mind.

He seems to have bought a nice little cottage in my heart. He makes himself comfortable and lights up his fireplace every night while I sleep. He lights my desire for him in my dreams. Yet, when he lights my desire he also lights my pain, not just physically, but emotionally.

I dream of him sitting in the meadows in the realms, as happy as can be. Yet, every time I near him, gravity takes its pull on his lips and they shift down. He then moves yards away from me.

However, repeatedly he repeats, _"Gemma. Dear, dear Gemma. I love you so much. Do not forget to live for tomorrow. We will be together one day. Gemma sing your story..."_ He finishes his sentence and a smile lights his face. But then he frowns and moves away as I near him.

In addition, when I reach for his outstretched hand he pulls away and moves again. Each time he moves I feel another piece of my heartbreak. Moreover, every time my heart breaks my sobs grow louder and I slowly crumble towards the hard, cold ground of the realms.

That is when I wake up in a cold sweat and a pounding head. I cannot seem to remember anything after the glass of that vile drink touching my lips. Perhaps I did not just get my dad's charm.

The alcohol eases the pain and causes you to forget, but only temporarily. You know you shall wake up to another day, but in the moment of the drink, you forget. I now understand why he became addicted after my mother's death. It is the only outlet when you are alone and feel as though you caused their death.

As you down the drink the thought floats through your head, "_You deserve this. You let him die. You should have taken your responsibility and fulfilled your destiny."_

I now sit at my desk looking at the tools mocking me. I take a deep breath and reach for the quill.

"_Just... just relax,"_ I tell myself, "_Let it out, and let it free. Finally, it's... it's time to let go."_ I feel the tears pricking at my eyes, but I push them back. The frown on my face slowly lifts until my mouth is in a straight line. Taking in another shaky breath, I gently grasp the quill and move towards the paper.

For several minutes, I let thoughts drift through my head.

"_You can't regret what he did."_

_"You were made for each other."_

_"The lines on your face show your pain, let go."_

_"They can't see the pain you're going through. To them you're blessed and beautiful."_

_"He knew you better than your friends. Better than your own brother."_

Suddenly, before I could understood what was happening, my hand moved my quill in a writing fashion. The tip pressed against the paper, caused the words I yearned for so long to come out. I hummed the tune, and everything else fell in place.

I concentrated hard on what I was writing, yet the words flow naturally. I kept writing, and writing, not knowing if anyone shall ever hear my pain. Nevertheless, knowing I finally let it all out helps. Therefore, I sit here writing down my thoughts.

_All of these lines across my face  
Tell you the story of who I am  
So many stories of where I've been  
And how I got to where I am  
But these stories don't mean anything  
When you've got no one to tell them to  
It's true...I was made for you_

_I climbed across the mountain tops  
Swam all across the ocean blue  
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules  
But baby I broke them all for you  
Because even when I was flat broke  
You made me feel like a million bucks  
Yeah you do and I was made for you_

However, the atmosphere changes. I am sitting on a stool with my hands in my lap, hearing the faint sound of a string mandolin playing somewhere behind me. I suck in a breath and sing.

_You see the smile that's on my mouth  
It's hiding the words that don't come out  
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed  
They don't know my head is a mess  
No, they don't know who I really am  
And they don't know what I've been through like you do  
And I was made for you..._

The pain seeps out of me. I feel... I feel almost alive again. I had been staring at my hands in my lap, but I lift my head and look into the crowd. I gaze into the eyes of my audience and see their sadness. I can almost feel the pity they feel for me.

_All of these lines across my face  
Tell you the story of who I am  
So many stories of where I've been  
And how I got to where I am_

I look towards the back of the crowd. A mess of black curls catches my eyes. I gasp, yet keep singing. I see him standing back there. I see him smiling. He moves through the crowd, and invisible force moving those surrounding him. I can feel the tears leaving my eyelashes to flow down my cheeks. I close my eyes and imagine standing in the realms. He finally lets me near. He tells me it will be okay, and that it is time to finish the song.

_But these stories don't mean anything  
When you've got no one to tell them to  
It's true...I was made for you_

I open my eyes and he is gone. I search the crowd, but don't see him. I now understand.

I use the back of my hand and wipe my tears away. I pause several seconds and take a deep, shaky breath.

_Oh yeah, it's true... I was made for you_.

As I am driven home that night, I cannot help but feel nothing pushing me down. I feel nothing but the wind sweeping through my ruby locks. There is no unspoken burden weighing me to the ground. He came and lifted it off me. He came to my rescue… _again_.

When I got onto that stage, everything felt right. I started to have a spark of hope that I'd be able to let go. He would have wanted me to. I think that is what it came down to.

**Kartik** would have wanted me to live for tomorrow, as he said so many times in my dreams. I just never really listened to him, I only saw him. Once again, I, the insolent school girl, needed to listen to Kartik, my true love and guardian.

This is probably all so confusing for you to understand. Nevertheless, that's how my life works, is it not?

I never understood why my mom chose to never tell me of my future. I never understood why I allowed myself to be myself when I was with him. I never understood why it was so easy to fall in love with him. I never understood why he fell in love with me and sacrificed himself. Moreover, I never understood why it just became so... almost... _easy_ to let him go. Nevertheless, it did, and I did. And I would not want to go back in time and change anything that happened. Because I do not know if it would have turned out better or worse.

I just know one thing.

_I now understand I can't regret what I did for him... and I can't regret what he did for me._

**A/N-Done! I... I think this is the ending I needed. Tell me if I'm right. Please, I would love to hear what you think. The song I used it The Story by Brandi Carlile.**

**Updates A/N-Okay, thank you to those of you who replied to my question. I changed the glitch about the period of time. I hope it makes more… sense. Thank you.**


End file.
